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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23356492">disaster awaits us, it threatens to break us</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/interstellartreasure/pseuds/interstellartreasure'>interstellartreasure</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>''but toby your fingers are touching'', :'))))), Other, also i apologize for being so jedi-centric in this one, i also love to project unintentionally unsteady relationships, while i do love the clones and love writing them, without him vynara is THIS (👌) close to being a grey force-user, xiriel is like. 99 percent of vynaras impulse control</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:34:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,909</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23356492</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/interstellartreasure/pseuds/interstellartreasure</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Xiriel never wanted to fight. He couldn’t be a General; Vynara knew better than anyone how hopeless he was in battle, despite xem presenting this fact in such a cruel way.<br/>-<br/>cw: death mentions, brief side-character death<br/>title is from autoheart's song foolishly wrong!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Vynara Lusi/Xiriel Kunai</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>disaster awaits us, it threatens to break us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>specific content warning: there is a scene where a side-character dies, it's not in too much detail, but i've placed the section in a line of ~~~. avoid that if you're not up for reading more than death mentions! stay safe &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Vynara first met with Xiriel in xyr typical calm and composed manner, but that facade soon dissipated. The twi’lek stood far stiffer than usual as they greeted one another. Usually Xiriel would’ve brushed it off, assuming xe came to him wishing for comfort, but even as he led xem to his bed, he caught clear anguish in xyr eyes and felt hardly-suppressed disdain rippling between them.</p><p>Xiriel caressed the side of the twi'lek's face, and, with a helpless breath, asked, "What's wrong?"</p><p>"The Jedi Council!" Vynara snapped too quickly, causing Xiriel to recoil. Xe muttered an apology, but remained tense. It became obvious there was reason beyond that alone, however xe only settled on a sigh, sticking with what xe already gave away, trying to speak gently, "You place such undeserved faith in them; all they accomplish comes from dragging you and other, innocent people onto that wretched battlefield. And now they have the <em>audacity</em> to request me to speak to Pi’anek under the guise of offering me a position as yet another Jedi General. They must think me a <em>fool!</em>"</p><p>"I know you’re upset with the council after... how they treated your master, but would it be so awful to try?” Xiriel tried to soothe xem, reaching for xyr hand. Vynara snatched xyr hands away and stood. Xiriel didn’t need to tap into the Force to feel their frustration. Xe fidgeted, forcing xemself to pace and take in slower breaths. Vynara said nothing until xe regained some of xyr typical composure.</p><p>“Regardless of what path I choose, if I ever took over any group of clones, it shall be the 406th,” Vynara sighed, standing still and looking over Xiriel’s form.</p><p>“Mine?” The drakion narrowed his eyes. “Vyn, if this is-”</p><p>“Yes, it is, Xiriel,” Xe went cold, “You're not fit for it. You nearly died out there with them.”</p><p>So that was it. Xiriel sighed, “Beloved, I promise the only reason I got hurt was because I was caught off guard. That was all, I swear it.”</p><p>“I’m relieved you admit <em>that</em> mistake, but who is to say it will never happen again?” Vynara moved in again with a scowl, gently running a hand along Xiriel’s cheek, “I cannot lose you as well. I could not bear the council’s heartless reaction to your passing. Why, what of Selinn? Our boy would never live, inheriting your position as a General and taking control of so many <em>lives</em>.”</p><p>Xiriel carefully moved xyr hand away, trying to guide xem to sit beside him on their bed once more. “I know, Vyn, I know. But I shall live on, I promise that.”</p><p>“You cannot promise <em>anything</em> in a war such as this.”</p><p>“While you’re right, I do know that it doesn’t matter how our situation looks right now. I trust the council’s judgement,” That lost Vynara’s interest immediately, but he continued, “and I trust <em>you</em> will care for him should I ever unexpectedly perish.”</p><p>“Xiriel, as much as I care for Selinn, I refuse to stand more than I must in this pointless war.”</p><p>“It’ll surround us regardless of how we try to avoid it. It’s better to go ahead and fight than sit idle while a corrupt system spreads and ruins the people, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Have you seen these people you speak of?” Though xe gave a question, Xiriel knew to wait. Vynara pulled away entirely, rubbing xyr forehead as xe walked across the room once more. “Reide Cekai is practically dying on a <em>Republic</em> planet with his partner. The two have worked for nearly a decade and they can hardly afford the time to call their own <em>son</em>, let alone earn enough to escape that planet and return to him.”</p><p>Xe met his eyes expectantly, but Xiriel found nothing other than a weak, “We must admit everything is strained in war.”</p><p>“A decade.” Vynara repeated, exasperated, “<em>I’ve</em> taken care of my friend's son for a decade--Ash calls me his za, as if he were my actual son--while the Cekais, his <em>real</em> parents, are away, living a life <em>none</em> should’ve had to face. While it may be especially horrible now with the war’s interference, it is <em>our</em> system which has been failing the people for years prior, Xiriel! You must admit that as well. You cannot be so blind as to defend <em>this</em> with your own life.”</p><p>“I do recognize the Republic’s failings, however, I am fighting for the Order. They’ve aligned themselves with this side, so I must fall in line. Now is not the time to doubt them, there’s enough hysteria as it is.”</p><p>“Oh? We should <em>not</em> doubt the same people who align themselves with children and slaves on the front lines? We should <em>not</em> doubt their meaningless defense of these crimes as ‘strategically beneficial’?” Vynara was glaring now, causing Xiriel’s voice to falter.</p><p>He cleared his throat, trying to voice his thoughts, “Obviously, it’d be best to. But I have as much influence as you on the council’s decisions at the end of the day; I didn’t even know I’d been offered to take on the 406th until Master Koon told me the war began. I’m only able to partake in these battles and hope these efforts will aid in ending the war sooner. This is the path the order’s set me on, as horrible as it feels to be the one who sends the clones into that wretched battlefield again and again.”</p><p>“Why will you not simply leave? They will not change! We <em>know</em> the Order is stubborn in their ways.”</p><p>Xiriel froze up at the emotion behind that. He gave xem a few moments to calm xemself before attempting his own quiet response, “You cannot <em>possibly-</em>”</p><p>“Leave with me, Xiriel. I’ll keep you safe,” Xe only grew more desperate, reaching for him. The drakion swatted his hand away, but xe swiftly added, “We will take Selinn if we must, we w-”</p><p>“I will <em>not!</em> ” Xiriel hissed, tail flicking aside, “That is an <em>awful</em> idea. Although I hate their decisions to arrange Jedi as generals in war, it is not within my right to leave them right now, nor leave the battalion up for another who--as far as I’m aware--may act upon the 406th with such ruthlessness as Piell or, Force forbid it, <em>Krell.</em>”</p><p>“If you fear those Jedi, why will you not fear what the Order’s becoming?” Vynara’s voice rose, practically snarling now, “Krell’s actions are merely an <em>extension</em> of what is at the heart of the council’s beliefs!”</p><p>“Vynara-” Xiriel choked on the name.</p><p>Xe continued, giving in fully to xyr frustration, “Whatever happened to the Jedi who were ‘peacekeepers’? To sit idly in a time of need is a crime, yes, but for one’s only action to support the manipulation the Republic's clones? That is worse. If you're sure you cannot aid in abolishing this, then leave it. Leave with me, Xiriel!”</p><p>The sharp exclaim of his name shook out a weak, “Stop.”</p><p>It scared Xiriel. Not the conversation which rose, but the severe imbalance he could feel within Vynara. Xyr barrier was cracking, the festering rage slowly seeping out, ready to thrash out at Xiriel. While anger was righteous in a moment such as this, it wasn’t supposed to be so strong in a Jedi. Xe hardly had any control over this.</p><p>“Stop that.” He swallowed nervously at Vynara’s glower.</p><p>Xe didn’t understand what <em>he</em> felt in those moments. Xe took this as an attack against xyr beliefs, for xe remained irrationally angry. Xe didn’t seem to <em>want</em> to calm xemself from it either; xe gave Xiriel a mere ten seconds before xe mercilessly continued.</p><p>“Now then, if you are so set on fighting this war on the Republic’s side--say nothing of the council this once--what is <em>your</em> impact? How are <em>you</em> influencing this awful war, General Kunai?" Xe mocked the military title, " <em>Anyone</em> with half a mind would try their best to avoid this. Why, should they have no option against it, as you claim, they would at least <em>try</em> to do some good, while you- well, have you viewed your dead after those last battles?"</p><p>"Vynara, don't." Xiriel's soft voice did nothing to cut through Vynara’s rant.</p><p>"You are <em>only</em> kept in such a strong position for the fact you have dedicated your <em>entire</em> life to the Jedi Council, they reward such senseless loyalty. I cannot wager they are going out of their way to find Generals who lose twenty--perhaps <em>more</em> now, if you would bother to check--people in a minor skirmish. <em>Stars</em>, Yikan was not even there to fight, yet you still failed to..." Xe suddenly fell quiet, freezing in place.</p><p>"Yikan?" The name sounded familiar. It didn’t take much for Xiriel to recall why, "Wasn't that y-"</p><p>"Forget it," Vynara commanded coldly, again dipping into that intense anger.</p><p>"No, I will not,” His heart hurt as he stood up, speaking against xem. It wasn’t a bright idea, he was well aware of the erratic state xe was in, but he forced himself to speak, “I thought you swore they were dead, how could they possibly-"</p><p>"Well, I <em>thought</em> they were!" Vynara’s spat. Xe grabbed for any other subject, even at the cost of ripping further into Xiriel: "Regardless, the reality this reveals is that the <em>people</em> --not <em>clones</em> --placed under <em>your</em> guidance are going to die. It matters not at the hands of who. If you don't improve enough to protect those you've been tasked to lead, that blood is on <em>your</em> hands. You, the council, every <em>'pure'</em>  Jedi has this cursed blood on their hands. I simply hope <em>you</em> hold more sense than the rest to avoid needlessly gathering more."</p><p>Xiriel tried to speak up in the silence Vynara offered, but found no way to transfer his thoughts into words. His voice shook, but he managed a final demand, “Leave me.”</p><p>“With pleasure, <em>General</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Even into that evening, Vynara’s harsh words occasionally surfaced and clouded Xiriel’s mind. Xe wasn’t wrong--xe never was--however, what xe said only threw Xiriel deeper into this same guilt he’s tried to ignore.</p><p>Xiriel never wanted to fight. He couldn’t be a General; Vynara knew better than anyone how hopeless he was in battle, even if xe did present this in such a cruel way. Xiriel couldn’t stand the decisions which held lives--<em>real</em> lives, not simple assets like the Order and Republic would have him believe--in the balance. He would do anything for the council, truly, but this didn’t automatically wave aside the sickness he felt knowing he and several others he held dear would rightfully attribute the blame of each 406th's clone’s death to him.</p><p>His legs involuntarily buckled beneath him. His eyes met his own pathetic, shaky hands which failed to catch him. He could practically feel the blood Vynara previously spoke of.</p><p>It began in his initial battle as General, only the start of many troubles where his commander witnessed the deaths of the battalion at his side. Commander Void easily recognized Xiriel’s cowardice upon the first death: how he froze up and failed to fight. He could only imagine what they thought as he fell beside that terrifyingly limp clone, one he only learned the name of much later: Lock.</p><p>If only Xiriel acted faster back then.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>Lock screamed. When Ten--<em>Void</em>, his mind half-heartedly corrected--and Xiriel turned, they finally met the vicious gaze of one they chased throughout this Sepratist factory. This quarren cut into one of Lock’s arms with a blade, no lightsaber to be seen, and firmly held up his body as if he were a shield.</p><p>Unlike Xiriel, the commander didn’t hesitate--Void shot daringly close to Lock’s head (making him flinch every time) yet always managed to miss him.</p><p>It only took a five shots before the quarren dropped Lock.</p><p>Xiriel finally urged himself to take action, shoving the quarren to the wall with the Force. He intended to let his commander shoot at will, put an end to the horrid chase, however, his focus faltered as his gaze drifted to Lock.</p><p>The soldier crumpled in on himself, holding his arm, gasping in pain. He tried reaching for his weapon to help, but-</p><p>“General!” Void called too late, the quarren fought free of Xiriel's grasp and easily jumped back to the edge of their platform. They laughed at the commander, gracefully avoiding each of Void’s shots.</p><p>Xiriel moved in to defend Void with both lightsabers drawn, prepared to fight them himself.</p><p>The quarren gave a sickening grin as if they expected this and utilized the moments before Xiriel could properly trap them again to reveal their own Force-sensitivity. With a simple raise of their arm, Lock flew against the ceiling with another shout--Xiriel glanced up, terror striking his heart at the suddenly still, silent figure.</p><p>Xiriel jumped forward, but the quarren--abhorrent <em>Sith</em>--swiftly stepped off with a mock salute. As a last act, they threw Lock back to the ground with a nauseating crack, and proceeded to effortlessly fall to the lower factory floors.</p><p>Void wasted no time following them, only stopping themself from jumping down at the realization their general went back for the other trooper. Xiriel would not join them as quickly as they hoped.</p><p>They stepped away from the ledge, wearily looking over the drakion.</p><p>Xiriel knew he had nothing to do but continue the chase. His shock risked another meeting this same fate, yet he could only stumble forward and fall to his knees beside Lock. His hands were involuntarily trembling; he could only stare down at the clone. He reached through the Force, but there was no longer a signature indicating he ever lived, let alone any physical reassurance such as breathing. And yet, Xiriel recalled the minutes prior to it all--when Lock was alive, <em>laughing</em> quietly beside Doodle in the moments he believed Xiriel wasn’t listening. How could this motionless body of his be reality?</p><p>“He is dead, sir,” Ten kept their voice steady, stern, “General, we must keep pursuing this quarren.”</p><p>They were right, but he couldn’t stop himself from reaching for Lock’s helmet. He only removed it halfway before pulling back with a shudder. The sight of his broken body was awful enough, but Lock’s face...</p><p>Commander Ten tugged him up. He shakily followed them as guilt and shame wrecked his mind; it haunted him far afterward, even as the ship left that accursed planet.</p><p>Xiriel acknowledged the situation that night, but didn’t process it in its entirety until now.</p><p>Red, warm liquid stained the floor he lay on.</p><p>Not his. Human blood.</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>This quarren was more than likely Yikan, he dully noted, heart falling at the thought. In seven years, someone Vynara held dear for their mercy and compassion has twisted into one so malicious and vile.</p><p>He understood why Vynara refused to tell him.</p><p>(It didn’t make the fact xe withheld information hurt any less.)</p><p> </p><p>Xiriel only stirred back to reality at the click of his door opening. He gazed up from the cold ground of his room, head half-hidden in his hands. It took a moment for him to realize who this all-too familiar twi’lek was. His heart dropped at the sight.</p><p>“Xiriel, is that you there?”</p><p>“Yeah,” He forced himself to his feet, as much as his body ached. Vynara tilted xyr head, struggling to make out what his shadow was doing. “Dropped something,” He muttered absently, caring not if Vynara recognized it as an excuse. His hands were trembling, and he anxiously tried to wipe them down on the hem of his shirt. <em>Blood</em>, his mind echoed ruefully, stabbing the words into his heart, <em>human blood.</em></p><p>“May I turn on the lights?”</p><p>The drakion gave some sound of affirmation and fell back into the chair at his desk. He could do without light, but he knew most needed it to properly see.</p><p>Vynara appeared as exhausted as Xiriel felt. Xe gave a simple question of “Why are you awake?”</p><p>“I ought to ask the same of you.” Xiriel sighed, quickly glancing aside. He shut down the datapad he meant to work on hours back, ignoring the pain in his chest when his eyes caught a glimpse of the casualty update Flicker provided. His voice was uncharacteristically flat, “I was certain you already left to confront the council or visit your family.”</p><p>“Well, I <em>did</em> speak with the council.” Vynara tentatively moved in closer, “And I had intended to leave, but, Xiriel, I was… worried.”</p><p>“‘Worried.’” Xiriel emptily echoed xyr words.</p><p>“About you.”</p><p>“You haven’t spoken to me all day,” Xiriel’s soft voice broke, “and you now claim you are <em>‘worried’</em>?”</p><p>“I am,” Vynara rested a hand on Xiriel’s shoulder, who flinched. Xe pulled away, favoring the seat beside Xiriel. Xe stared back at him and quietly continued, “I will not apologize for a majority of what I said, but I <em>do</em> apologize for being so vitriolic in it.”</p><p>“I never wanted any <em>apology,</em>” Xiriel’s voice wavered, but he pushed forward, unable to stop the sting of his eyes as he looked at xem, “I only wish to make things right again.”</p><p>Vynara took in a careful breath before admitting: “That is precisely why I’m worried, Xiriel. You have sat in self-isolation nearly the entire day now.”</p><p>Xiriel didn’t acknowledge xem. Vynara put a hand beside where Xiriel’s rested on the desk, hoping to keep his attention as xe spoke, “The way I phrased it implied <em>all</em> of the responsibility of their deaths are on your hands, however-”</p><p>“They <em>are!</em>” Xiriel choked the words out, speaking over Vynara, “I <em>always</em> knew they were. All you contributed with your words was the urgency, no matter how harshly you conveyed it, it’s true! I’m <em>trying</em> to change it, I <em>need</em> to change it, but...”</p><p>Xiriel could hardly blink back the tears as, in an attempt to avoid the pity in xyr expression, his eyes fell on the datapad once more and he thought of the report Commander Void wrote up for him just an hour prior. It all remained a horrible reminder of what he’s caused. He tried to ignore it, but still stumbled over what else he wished to convey. As if to make the humiliating situation worse, tears forced their way out despite all efforts. Xiriel shoved his face in his hands, slowly shaking his head.</p><p>Vynara could hardly hear him end with a desperate, breathless: “I can’t, Vyn. I can’t.”</p><p>The drakion’s tail curled in when Vynara moved closer. Xe softly rest a hand on Xiriel’s wrist. He glanced up. “Come now,” Xe quietly urged, “We will sit elsewhere.”</p><p>Xiriel reluctantly gave in, trailing behind xem as xe led him back to his bed, where their argument began. Vynara had Xiriel sit right beside xem, trying to hold his hand.</p><p>“No," He mumbled.</p><p>Vynara listened this time and let Xiriel’s hand drop. Xe was so calm now. Strange, knowing only this morning xe spoke with such force Xiriel was <em>scared</em>. He picked at the surface of his hand, fighting against other tears which tried to fall.</p><p>“Uriala is revered among them, no? Would it be possible to speak to him, see if he can urge the council to convince the Republic to restore a bit of the clones’ rightful agency, at the least? Grant them the ability to find some of their own comfort in the face of such a situation, as their own people?”</p><p>“My master’s already tried bringing up his own concerns, but he hasn’t commanded since Geonosis. It wouldn’t fit him to take on this conflict too. Besides, the Republic would never let a clone be recognized as any semblance of a person.”</p><p>Silence fell between them.</p><p>“There is something else though, is there not? Beyond the clones.”</p><p>He gave a nod, but he didn’t have it in him to bring precisely what it was to light himself.</p><p>“I’m not going to leave you until the council expels me--however, even then I’m sure I would find a way to speak with you--if that is all.” Vynara tried to catch Xiriel’s eyes, see if xe was right, but Xiriel remained silent. “I would never permanently leave without you and Selinn. You are my family. You mean the galaxy to me. I simply want to see you two live, preferably happily, in the end of it all.”</p><p>“I’m sure that’s what the 406th wants from each other too,” Xiriel muttered, dragging it back to the clones. Vynara gave a pained sigh, pulling away.</p><p>“You did better than I would have,” Xe pointed out, voice softening, “In that recent battle, I mean. It was an unfamiliar planet, and, compared to the other battalion you landed with, you saved several more than General Lein did. While Lein stands back, you and Selinn--foolish as it is--are among the few Jedi known to join the battalion at the front. You do protect them, it is a significant help.”</p><p>“There must’ve been more to do. Something I missed which would’ve prevented us from nearly being overrun in the first place.”</p><p>“You did well with what you had in the moment. Besides, lingering on past mistakes such as this will only harm you further. Stop that, simply change.”</p><p>Xiriel avoided xyr gaze. He knew that fact all too well, but he couldn’t stop the guilt from rushing back to him. Numbers and names jumbled together from these months alone--Void's empty, unreadable expression, the instinctive laughter from Sun, the bitterness in Flicker as each delivered the same news: death.</p><p>Death every one knew Xiriel should’ve been able to stop.</p><p>“Listen, as long as you continue this and make more efforts to listen to and aid them, you are doing the most you are able to while the council’s ignoring this.” Vynara tried a smile, but Xiriel only went paler.</p><p>After a pause, Xiriel gave a faint request, “Let’s not talk about the council.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Vynara glanced over him again, trying to read him and, again, finding nothing, “Then speak with me, beloved, of what else was bothering you. I would prefer to not guess.”</p><p>“Yikan.”</p><p>Vynara tensed up, but xe didn’t let xyr emotions spiral out of control just yet. A slight improvement.</p><p>“They’re alive then?”</p><p>“Apparently so.” Vynara replied sharply. Xiriel winced, but continued, desperate to find xyr reasoning.</p><p>“Why didn’t you bother to tell me? Seeing as they’ve been our enemy for the past three months, shouldn’t I have known?” Xiriel tried to withhold the pain, but Vynara’s shift of attitude made it clear xe caught it regardless.</p><p>“I only realized it during the chase on Coruscant; they gave themself away through their techniques. Their conflict-avoidant plan, their stance, their attacks… it was all unfortunately familiar. The longer I lingered on it afterward, the more pieces fell into place. I didn't really believe it until they took that mask off.” Vynara reached for his hand again, only to be denied once again.</p><p>“You haven’t answered why you chose to hide this.”</p><p>“I did not want to risk the possibility of you falling to the same conflict I met upon this realization. Regardless of my past with them, they are our current enemy.”</p><p>Xiriel scoffed, “You think me so emotional. Isn’t it ironic, with how you nearly cracked this morning upon touching this same subject?”</p><p>Vynara grimaced, but said nothing. After a few moments, Xiriel admitted, “You <em>scared</em> me, Vyn.”</p><p>Xe made another attempt to apologize, the same desperation touching xyr voice. Xe leaned in as xe tried to explain xemself, but Xiriel moved away. “Right,” Xe muttered, gently offering, “I’m truly sorry. I never meant to frighten or hurt you. Your well-being means everything to me.”</p><p>“Hypocrite,” He said. Xyr eyes nervously fell.</p><p>“You cannot encourage me to heal whilst avoiding your own state of mind,” Xiriel spoke on with slow certainty, “You and I swore everything to each other that day, don’t you recall?”</p><p>Xe gave a silent nod, still unable to meet his eyes. Xiriel reached to nudge xyr head up, scowling at xem, “You suffer due to your unwillingness to mellow out this emotional side of you. You are not only harming yourself, it pains <em>me</em> to see you grow unstable.”</p><p>“I’m coping just as well,” Vynara removed Xiriel’s hand.</p><p>Xiriel cast a doubtful look, “I felt it Vyn. You almost gave in entirely to that rage--<em>not</em> anger, but burning <em>rage</em>.”</p><p>“There were other factors. We spoke of the 406th prior to it,” Vynara insisted, but Xiriel wasn’t searching for excuses.</p><p>“Even before, you were caught in ‘what if’s. How long will it take before you accept our reality? We’re unable to do anything but fight and <em>pray</em> what we do is enough to prevent this war from lasting longer than it must.”</p><p>“It shall never end.”</p><p>“<em>Not</em> unless we take action and pursue the future we search for.”</p><p>Vynara finally went silent. Xe had more to say, but chose silence instead, again gazing elsewhere.</p><p>“Don’t let this sort of stuff fester, alright?” Xiriel switched the focus, attempting a weak smile, “That’s all I ask. We swore to care for one another through it all, didn’t we?”</p><p>“You are right,” After a few moments, Vynara took in a shaky breath. Quietly, “I’ll be better about it from now on, I swear it.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Xiriel murmured.</p><p>Vynara tried again to touch Xiriel’s hand. And, this time, he let xyr fingers intertwine with his own. Admittedly, he missed that innocent, kind warmth. He gave into the old habit and leaned against xyr shoulder.</p><p>“I love you, Xiriel. No matter what happens, I’ll still care for you.”</p><p>He wished to return the sentiment, but the words stuck in his throat. That reassurance was enough to bring tears to his eyes once more.</p><p>He fell against Vynara entirely, and xe embraced him kindly, giving a concerned, “Xiriel?”</p><p>This was the one he missed and longed for in the nights xe left him. Vynara, who was forever ingrained in his mind as caring, gentle, and clever. This was the wonderful person he fell for. Xe always knew what to say to reach Xiriel, whether or not xe meant to. He never had anyone so close to him, who could make him feel so scared and safe in the same day.</p><p>“I love you,” Xiriel somehow choked out. Though the phrase made him feel far more ashamed, Vynara’s hug was enough to let the feelings fade into the background again. Xe gifted such kindness--behavior Xiriel half-expected to never feel again after xyr criticisms and harsh behavior earlier.</p><p>“I love you too, darling. I’m sorry.” Vynara ran one of xyr hands through his loose hair and embraced with quiet consolation. Xe soothingly rubbed his back, letting him cry freely without explanation. Xiriel was thankful, he didn’t want to make xem feel more guilty than he already had.</p><p>“I’ll always be there for you, for as long as you will take me,” Vynara promised softly, bringing him closer, “I apologize for ever allowing you to believe otherwise.”</p><p>“I understand…” Xiriel let out a slow breath, struggling to stabilize himself enough to say, “I understand why you would be impatient with my idleness in the face of all of this. I- I am frustrated with myself too.”</p><p>“You are not the Jedi Council. You are already doing as much as you can to accommodate the 406th’s wishes. It was unfair of me to ever insinuate the responsibility of allowing the Republic’s claim over the war and clones would ever rest entirely on your shoulders.”</p><p>Xiriel choked back another sob, and Vynara quickly fell back to several, kind whispers trying (and failing) to calm him. Xe reassured him all was okay, xe was here, xe loved him. Xe kept him close, but loose enough to let him know he could leave at any moment. When Xiriel shakily clutched to xyr back, pulling xem closer, xe hesitantly mimicked it, comforting him with the mere fact xe was going to stay there, by him.</p><p>They stayed like that minutes longer. As Xiriel finally stopped trembling in xyr arms, Vynara attempted conversation again. Xe avoided the previous subject entirely, choosing softer topics, gifting small compliments instead. It helped ease Xiriel back to slow, steady breaths--however slowly. He let go an exhausted sigh, slowly bringing Vynara to lie beside him on the bed.</p><p><em>Not tonight</em>, Xiriel's thoughts were clear as he wearily met xyr eyes.</p><p>The two certainly had tomorrow to go over these topics with a clearer mind and (hopefully) less of an emotional conflict, and, should they survive for the following weeks as well, they had the chance to make significant progress.</p><p>For now? Xiriel just wanted xem. He wanted to heal from xyr unintentional cruelty that morning, laying beside them and reminiscing of the times such comfort was far more peaceful and unburdened. He wished to remember the years he couldn't have ever <em>imagined</em> feeling on edge around xem. Those blissful years of tasteful teasing and pettier arguments. The times where neither had moments of apathy, and Vynara never felt the need to repress xyr emotions or deny Xiriel any truth. Neither feared anything as extreme as death, only the chance of the Jedi Council discovering their love.</p><p>Vynara embraced him entirely, for xe understood. No more tonight. They would recover, then they would face reality again tomorrow.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank u for reading!! truly, it means a lot u would bother to look at my foolish ocs<br/>and, if u comment, u hold my heart in ur hands &lt;3</p><p>im @cisphobicfives on tumblr!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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